First Day of Fall!

Today is the first day of Fall!  How I love this time of year!!  I love the crisp morning air, the leaves beginning to change, going to flea markets, Texas State Fair, pumpkin patches, Starbucks for a pumpkin latte', nature walks and being on the cusp of the holidays...

To celebrate fall I want to share this poem:

A Fall Song

by Ellen Robena Field

Golden and red trees Nod to the soft breeze, As it whispers, "Winter is near;" And the brown nuts fall At the wind's loud call, For this is the Fall of the year. Goodbye, sweet flowers! Through bright Summer hours You have filled our hearts with cheer We shall miss you so, And yet you must go, For this is the Fall of the year. Now the days grow cold, As the year grows old, And the meadows are brown and sere; Brave robin redbreast Has gone from his nest, For this is the Fall of the year. I do softly pray At the close of day, That the little children, so dear, May as purely grow As the fleecy snow That follows the Fall of the year. I Lasso the beauty of FALL!

Giggles & Grandson!


This is my daughter's blog, but I had to share it because it really reminds me of the simple pleasures of life...like the giggle of a grandson!  I hope you enjoy this sweetness as much as I do, not because Landon is my grandson, but because it's a baby learning he can make noise!
www.saraandryancorl.blogspot.com

I LASSO Giggles!

Passages ~


When I was a freshman in college, I remember reading a book that even to this day...some 35 years later I think about...
The book is entitled Passages - Predictable Crises of Adult Life.     


Gail Sheehy, the author of Passages, wrote about each decade of adult life--gave it a catchy name, often incorporating alliteration and examined some of the general life crises that occurs when one reaches such a milestone in life.  


I don't really know why I remember this book so vividly.  At the time I was 19...I guess I was interested in why she labeled my upcoming 20's, "The Trying 20's"!   Yet, I remember pulling it off my bookshelf again when I became a mother.  In some ways, Ms. Sheehy while using a general brush stroke in describing the various phases of life--for me, she seemed to capture the essence of each decade...a 20-something generally is breaking away from home and a trying to discover where he/she fits into the world.  There is Catch the 30's, the Forlorn 40's and the Refreshed 50's.  The phase for 50-somethings is expressed as the best of life for those who let go of old roles and find renewal of purpose.  Hmmm... 


I see our kids going through "The Trying 20's"...all at a different pace, which makes it so wonderful, because each one is so unique...but I am trying to decide if I feel Refreshed at 50!  This whole "letting go" thing...letting go of the old roles I am struggling with right now more than Joe is...but I don't know if that is because he is 10 years my senior and entering a new passage of his own.  


Oh, I know it's is an overstated cliche' "We've done our job when we give our kids wings"...but there needs to be a disclaimer with this overly familiar theme..."as we give our kids wings, it stings!"


We have given our kids wings...and I am trying valiantly to grow up and be a Refreshed 50 something...but for over half my life, our children, my husband...they have been my purpose.


So...this week our oldest daughter prepares not only her third grade classroom for the new school year, Sara and her husband Ryan are making preparations for having the family 
together for their son, Landon's Baptism!

Sunday morning at 5:30am our son, Adam packed up his Xterra, a U-haul trailer and dog Ducati and headed on a three day drive to Boston where he will be attending grad school for Trumpet Performance.  

Boston University

Heather and Adam celebrate the day they met
which was their first day at Baylor University, their freshman year--5 years ago!
Heather is headed to Toronto for Culinary school in September. 

Jenna's energy is contagious!  A new Mary Kay Consultant

Jenna at the Mary Kay convention in Dallas a few weeks ago!  

Our youngest, Jenna is finishing up her degree this fall, and has just become a Mary Kay Consultant--and if that's not enough, she always seems to have a dog-sitting, babysitting, house-sitting job on the side.  Wish I could bottle her energy!  


I love spending time with Joe--I am really looking forward to doing more traveling with him.  I also enjoy our time at home.  I have also been blessed to be volunteering my time on our church parish pastoral council.  We have been members of St. Ann for 26 years!

So these passages we go through--while our kids continue to explore the "Trying 20's"-- I think I will cherish the roles I have had and will finally let go...give those old roles I embraced for half of my life--the wings, and start to truly embrace a new purpose for myself!  


Oh, I can't close out this blog entry without mentioning how life has changed for our four-legged, canine family members.  My Aussie, Ellie, is an only "dog" at home now.  She is missing our beloved Pirate, who died earlier this year and now is starting to miss Ducati--since he left with Adam for Boston, she confused right now and a bit of a cling-on...but she knows she is loved!

Ellie, Pirate, Ducati waiting for the OK to come into the house!

Kathie and Ellie November 2010

I Lasso trying to truly embrace

The Refreshing 50's!

Growing Old Ain't for Sissies 

~ So I am Working on Staying Young!

Daddy and (me) Kathie

I am a wife, mother of three adult children, and a NEW grandmother of one--and in the matter of two weeks time I have seen my stage in life through two very different set of eyes...what do I mean?


In the past two weeks I have spent one with my Dad and one with my grandson!


I recently spent a week with my 81 year old Daddy.  My dad lives in Tampa--I live in Dallas, Texas. He is currently recovering from a fall and an terrible injury!

Dad and my husband Joe

Joe was able to visit 

The one-on-one time I had with my dad was wonderful, but exhausting.  I spent from dawn to dark helping my dad in and out of his wheelchair--(I have the bruises to prove it), getting food for him, assisting him changing his clothes, meeting him for doctor appointments--(Please note:  I know there are caregivers who do this 24/7 and I have a great deal of respect for the commitment.).  It was a blessing that I was able to go and to help him, and keep him company too!  


My dad has been sedentary most of his life--and due to his recent injury he is now required to "work out" in Rehab, and at times I found it painful to watch.  


I became his cheerleader, and at times comforter--especially in acknowledging that what he was being asked to do, while painful and stressful, would make him stronger.  I often just listened to him express his exasperation with his physical situation and how he relied on others to do every day things for him.  


The week AFTER my visit with my Dad, I had the good fortune of spending three days with my daughter, son in-law and new grandson Landon!  I babysat Landon during the day, while Sara went to a two-day teacher workshop.

Kathie (me) and Landon

While Landon is only two months old, I had forgotten how much I had to be "on my toes" while watching him!  

At times I truly felt like I was competing in an Olympic event--rocking, swaying, lifting wrapping, changing, washing...then he fell asleep!  


Tip-toeing to the  bathroom to take care of "nature's call" I suddenly hear a high pitched cry coming from the other room, so I sprint out of the bathroom.  By now my panties were hovering around my knees, while leaping into action I tried valiantly to pull them up while dodging the baby swing, baby floor gym, dog crate and coffee table before reaching the finish line...I mean before reaching Landon!  But the hush that came over him when I picked him up made the baby obstacle course worth it!

So, what did I glean from these two experiences? 

I want to stay in shape to enjoy Landon, and any other grand babies that may come along.  I also want to be active, which means as I age I need to continue to exercise.  I want to be able to look at my Golden Years with a little bit of zest and life!


Betty Davis said it best, "Growing old ain't for sissies!", however having two experience that span a spectrum of time and generations has helped me have the resolve to continue to exercise my body, mind and spirit--every day!  

I  Lasso being in the Sandwich Generation--helping Daddy and helping Landon!

I Lasso being active too!

The Fragile Flicker of Life

In the past year, my family has been celebrating life -- many of the good things in life:  New marriages, an 80th Birthday, high school and college graduations...  When you have a family that spans 6 or 7 different states--it's an incredible feat to get together over the course of a 3-5 year span.  But in 2010, the Stoeckle clan gather twice in one year!  Two weddings and the patriarch of the family hit a milestone birthday!  And before the year was out a new baby was on the way too!  God is amazing with his love and grace.

While I have been savoring the memories and reliving special moments of the past year--I have also looked back on situations and experiences that seemed tragic—and at the time I asked the big question--WHY?  Through the years I recognize I have some answers or at least answers that make sense to me.  But there are pivotal moments in my life where I really didn't understand why such sadness was happening.  But I do have the eyes to see how having gone through the pain helped formed me into the person I am.


I see so much irony in the hopes, and dreams and worries I lifted in prayer have in some ways morphed into something completely different from the original intention...that's what I want to share in this blog entry.

Some highlights from 2010:

Boston Stoeckle's with Papa Don, all wearing the T-shirts he had made for the "reunion/wedding weekend!

Heather (Adam's girlfriend) and Adam's graduation day from Baylor University!

Jessie and Matt Stoeckle's March wedding!

Sara and Ryan got married June 12, 2010

MOH -- Jenna and Uncle Michael singing at reception

Air Guitars

Stoeckle Family Reunion Sara and Ryan Edition T-shirts

Da'  Boys!

May 27, 2011 Ryan and Sara proudly welcome Landon Lee Corl to the family!

Seeing our daughter become a mother, brought back so many memories of my days as a young mom.  I remember holding Sara in the hospital thinking...this is all I have ever wanted to be...a good wife and mother.  And the Good Lord blessed me with both!  With every passing day, as the stress of new motherhood eased, I found myself utterly and completely enthralled  with this little girl.  Joe and I thought we wanted at least 3-4 children, and our plan was to have them close in age...similar to my family with my own siblings.  That was our plan.


But God had a different plan.  And while God's plan is a perfect plan, it is not without pain or heartache.


We lost our first son when I was 28 years old.  Sara was a year old at the time of our loss.  He was our second baby.  

I went for my 20-week, 5 month check-up and my doctor couldn't find the baby's heartbeat.  An emergency sonogram confirmed what my doctor called the beginning of a late pregnancy miscarriage.  I called this miracle of life,  was now a fragile flicker of life...a baby we planned for, a baby we had dreams for, but a baby we lost.   

At the time, I didn't know that a lot of women miscarry--so while intellectually I became aware of this fact--I didn't find it a comfort.  I never really asked WHY we lost the baby, why it was taken away from us…I just believed that for some reason God must have needed another angel in heaven.  I was just anxious to get the “go ahead” to try to conceive again. 

My doctor mentioned that he had pathology results back from the fetus we lost.  (I hated the clinical term he used to describe our son).  I didn't recall that tissue from the baby was sent to a pathology lab for genetic testing.  


When he read the results to me, all I heard was this foreign medical mumbo-jumbo language...then he said our son was a “Trisomy 21” baby.  I asked him what that meant. He said, “Kathie, the baby you lost had Down Syndrome.”  


He paused so I could take in and absorb the information he had just given me.  Suddenly I felt as if he had taken my head into his right hand and just slammed it into the the back wall of his office.  I got dizzy and nauseous, and then started to cry. How can this be…I’m young, I have already had one healthy baby…does this mean I can’t have more children?  


While Joe and I went through the grieving process, we also went through extensive genetic counseling.  It was there we were told we had a 99% chance that we would NOT have another baby with Down Syndrome.  Because of our faith, I knew if we conceived and discovered we were going to have a baby with Down Syndrome, we would not terminate the pregnancy.  I wanted to be sure—I mean truly understand what it would mean if Joe and I had a baby with Downs, before we attempted to conceive again, I did a lot of homework.


Intellectually, I learned of all the various anomalies that were associated with a baby with Downs.  What I didn't know was how I would feel emotionally having a baby with special needs at birth.  I was being brutally honest...would we get looks of disappointment from others upon seeing our baby...or worse would there be pity?  Personally, I went through a great deal of soul searching.  If I was not up for the challenge, or had the courage to face the emotional aspects of having a baby with special needs, I didn't want to have more children.  


So after all of my research--I wanted to know first-hand how socially, emotionally, spiritually if I could handle this special blessing.  

So, I called the Down Syndrome Guild of Dallas and talked to mothers who have a child with Downs.  The moms were so generous in sharing their triumphs and challenges.  Our conversations on the subject were frank, honest, heartwarming and giving.  Talking with these moms and then reading an interesting essay on raising a child with Down Syndrome gave me a new perspective on parenting and prayer.

Emily Perl Kingsley wrote an insightful essay in 1987 entitled, "Welcome to Holland".  She describes in her essay about her experience of raising a child with special needs.  She equates it to planning a vacation to Italy.


 

While planning this fabulous vacation you do all of the research on points of interest, guide books, even possibly learning some Italian.  Finally the day comes to go on your vacation.  The plane takes off for this trip of a lifetime, and as the plane lands the flight attendant says, "Welcome to Holland"...the flight plan changed, and this is your final destination.
  

Ms. Kingsley goes on to say that while the flight plan changed--you weren't taken to some awful third world country, just a different destination!  And her point at the end of the essay is if you don't let go of the fact that the trip you dreamed of was to go to Italy, and never made it to Italy, all of your mourning would never allow you to discover the true beauty and wonderment of Holland.  

She happened to write this essay the year we lost our first son.  
The year we contemplated whether our family would remain small.  The year we prayed for God to give us the wisdom, courage and tools necessary to raise a child with special needs if that was His will for us.  

The year we trusted in God's perfect plan and conceived another baby.  

Fast forward a year later from when we lost our first son, I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy son.  Nineteen months later I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy, precious daughter.  

From my experience of losing a baby 24 years ago I have found I don't take new life for granted.  I know that I am more compassionate toward mothers AND fathers who experience a loss.  I also, ALWAYS stop and lift a prayer of encouragement and support for the moms and dads, sisters and brothers who have a child or sibling with special needs.

Oh, and remember I mentioned all of the prayers that I stormed heaven with requesting wisdom and courage to handle a child or children of special needs we might have been blessed with -- I believe Our good Lord gave me a very different opportunity as a mother and answered those prayers in a very different way, for a very different challenge--of which I will share in another blog entry.  


I want to share this video clip--I love this movie clip from Evan Almighty because it is an interesting perspective on how "God" (Morgan Freeman) explains how some prayers are answered:  

I Lasso the OPPORTUNITY that God blesses me with everyday!

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, ~ Jeremiah 1:5

When a Baby is Born, 

So is a Grandma!

On May 27, 2011 our oldest daughter, Sara became a mommy for the first time--making me a first time grandma.  She was blessed with a safe delivery, and a healthy baby boy, whom Sara and Ryan named Landon Lee. First, let me tell you he is perfect in every way!  


Every mommy has her own birthing story...and I am sure Sara will blog about how Landon entered the world on her "It's a Wonderful Life" blog:  www.saraandryancorl@blogspot.com 

In the wee hours of the morning, after a long labor and delivery
Sara and Ryan , while exhausted were elated with a healthy baby boy!

But for me...my thoughts are not so much about the birth, as it is on how I felt when she was in labor, and how I am feeling watching her as a new mother.

They say when a baby is born, so is a grandma!

...that's what I would like to share.

Sara was entering her final week of her estimated due date--during which time she had one false alarm.  As the "warm up" contractions became more frequent, and Sara became more and more certain the baby was coming any day.  While I wanted to just "pop" down to Pflugerville to be with her, I really felt I needed to wait for her request.

Sara is a third grade teacher.  She was now in her last week of school.  The door to her classroom that her room mom created for her during Teacher Appreciation Week explained it all!  Sara was so ready for her son to arrive!


As the discomfort of being pregnant increased--and the reality of delivery started to set in...Sara's tearful conversations and text messages to me gave me the sense she wanted me to be there with her.  I asked a dear friend (who happens to also be a grandmother of two grand-daughters) what she thought I should do...Jane and her husband Rick really encouraged me to "just go".  After my morning walk with my walking buddy Lori...she too said, "just jump in the car and go..."  Sara lives over three hours away from me--so it wasn't just "popping in"  it was a commitment to stay until the birth.  So, I texted her, "I'm coming!"  She called and said she was so happy I was on my way...so off I went.

So, while waiting for the baby to arrive, we spent the week packing up most of her classroom, read to her class, went shopping, had tea-time in the evening and went on brisk walks...just spent time together.  He husband Ryan was so sweet to not mind my visit--or he was sweet enough not to say anything!   
  

May 24, 2011

Sara's labor was long...as most first born babies are...but what took me by surprise was for 25 years, I have been the caregiver, the mom, the one who was there to give comfort to any of my children...but as she was admitted into the hospital to give birth...it was her husband by her side...as it should be...but I was really not prepared for the overwhelming helpless feeling that came over me--the need to be there with her.  But I let go...


Clearly the switch from "mother the caretaker" to "mother the adviser, supporter" is a role I have been in for quite some time with Sara.  She has been on her own since she left for college in 2004.  But from a medical perspective I think this role gave me a pretty good jolted as I saw her husband wrap his arm around my daughter to take her to labor and delivery.  I completely embrace that this is the natural sequence of nature and a new passage or phase of my life...this is the way it is suppose to be...I guess I surprised myself with how hard it was to not to be the one comforting her.  


You know, as moms, we take the kids to the doctor, dentist, specialist, surgeon...being involved with every decision (of course Joe was always involved too)...but my new role as mother/mother in-law is to step back and let go.


Well into Sara's labor, Ryan appeared in the waiting room and said "Kathie, Sara wants you."  Music to my ears!  So I spent over an hour with Sara while she breathed through "rapid-fire" labor...1 minute a part, lasting over 1 minute.  She was amazing...I left her as Ryan returned and the nurse started to prep her for an epidural.  


At one point, Ryan texted me that Sara wanted something out of her suitcase, specifically her eye glasses.  All of which were in my car.  I realized my purse (which had the car keys) was in the labor and delivery room.  As I tip-toed back to the room to retrieve my purse, Sara had already received her epidural, was laying on her side, wearing an oxygen mask, and crying.  That was the last image of Sara I had until I saw her with her newborn son.


Ryan texted us to let us know at 1:00am that she was starting to push--then we heard nothing for three long hours...At 4:10am we got the text that Landon had entered the world, after 3 hours of pushing.  When we finally received the OK to see the new family...the fatigue and crankiness we all were feeling in uncomfortable chairs and couches in the waiting room, dissipated--and euphoria replaced it!  Joe cracked open a bottle of champagne he had been chilling, poured it into everyone's plastic cup and he made a toast to Landon Lee Corl!

Getting the O.K. to see mother and baby...Kathy (Ryan's mom), Joe and I entered the room.  Kathy and Joe marched directly to Ryan, who was cradling his precious son...

But I had to see my baby!  

I hugged and kissed Sara...I wanted to wipe away the last image out of my mind forever of her crying while wearing an oxygen mask...so I could truly take-in the miracle of life that just took place.  


She looked up at me and said, "Mom, that was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life!  But isn't he so beautiful!!"

Now that I am a Nonna (grandma in Italian),  I am trying to make the switch from parent to...hmmm, to...well...I am not sure what, but I hope that I will embrace my new role in Sara's life with the same zest and passion I had when I became a new mother to "baby Sara"!


Landon Lee Corl was born into a family of love on 
May 27th (one day before his actual due date), 
He was born: 4:10am
He weighed:  8 pounds, 8 ounces
He measured:  20 1/2 inches long
He has a head of jet black hair

He has a fabulous mommy and a wonderful daddy! 

Papa Joe, Nonna, Auntie Jenna, Uncle Adam, Heather
Gigi, Uncle Evan
Gumpa Dave and Mimi 
were all waiting f-o-r  h-o-u-r-s in the waiting room!  But every second was worth it...to be there to see God's magnificent love for us!  The purest expression of love...a newborn baby!

Ryan, Gigi (Kathy Corl), Uncle Evan

Auntie Jenna and Uncle Evan

Uncle Adam and Landon

Papa Joe and Landon

Jenna, Sara, Landon and Nonna

God is so good all of the time!

I Lasso my first grand-baby--Landon Lee Corl


And Landon LASSOS my heart!